I was talking to some friends of mine known as Zippie and Tearz who live up in the Great White North near London, Ontario.They just got a new Corso Cano puppy this week.
Their puppy’s name is Torque but in my head it turns into Tor-Q, which I am sure will annoy Tearz to no end. I was thinking about what their dog must be thinking in his new home. Here is my take on what will go on in the dog’s mind in the next few months.
We all know dogs don’t think like people but lets try for this one.
Here is what the dog would think; that is if dogs thought in English:
Zippie and Tearz house 6 days ago:
HEY! Who and what are these things? Humans? Where are my brothers and sisters? Mommy!!! Hey they have smaller humans who like to play and pet me. Huh huh, hoo huh, yup yup yup, this is fun, where’s dinner? Where’s dinner? Ooh I gotta pee, oops!
Why are these large humans so mad? I couldn’t help it, how was I to know that the grassy place outside is where I am supposed to pee? Jeez, you’d think I was chewing the crotch out of the females jeans or something. Oooh ooh! A ball! Time to play, uh huhn, uh huhn. Feel tired now must lie down and sleep…
Z and T’s house 2 days ago:
Hey! Who’s pulling on my ears? Stop that! Oh you wanna play rough huh? Let’s go kid!
Hey! Quit that howling noise, it hurts my ears! I didn’t mean to knock you down. Hey, I said stop the howling…Shit, outside again through no fault of mine. Hey I’ve been out here a long time, come on let me back in. Really I’ve learned whatever lesson I was supposed to, please, I love you guys! Are you on the computer thingy again?/ lemme in!
Hey maybe if I jump at this door thing they’ll remember I’m out here. Oh, OK there she is, happy happy, happy, ooh oohh I’m inside again, ooh furniture to chew, cool.
Cut to back yard, early October:
Hey the ground is hard and it’s cold out here, hey let me in! C’mon, I did number 1, I don’t have to do the other thing….c’mon, let me back in, it’s kind of nippy out here.
C’MON NOW, puhleeze let me in I am shorthaired you know…….
Back Yard, A week later in October:
Hey, what’s this stuff coming down from the sky? Snap! Chomp! It doesn’t taste like any thing but it’s starting to form a layer on the ground…. Snuffle, Ahhchoo, that tickles and it sure is cold. Hey Zippie, let me in, Tearz…. C’mon, not this again, hey really I’m done with my business, just let me in the house. Hey! Where’s they go? The lights are out and I can’t hear them inside, if they left me out here why I’ll… I don’t know. Hey, I know what to do! I’ll pee in her shoe and see if she likes the damp cold. That’ll teach her, yeah that will teach her. Oh yeah him, he is proud of his computer thingy so I’ll just knock it over and chew on the cable that runs to the thing with moving shapes and colors, that should get them back for this.
Fast Forward 2 days:
Hey you people, let me out, I need to pee and you keep smacking me if I do it in the garage or living room. OK she’s here…door, door…open! Hey that white stuff is back, and lots of it. Hey quit pushing,,, whoa! That’s cold on the feet and belly! How’s about a sweater? Hey I can’t pull my leg up out of this white stuff to pee, what am I supposed to do? Can’t you guys get rid of this snow crap? What’s that you are saying? Speak slowly since you can’t be troubled to learn Dog, I have to try to understand that English thing. What??? This stuff is going to be on the ground for another 6 months?!?!? Why? You can’t mean it, that means that……
OH SHIT! I’M A CANADIAN!